You guys. I have the most ridiculous story that is so absurd that I couldn’t have made it up if I tried. While social media may make it seems like graphic design is my only hobby, I’m also really into geeky activities and cycling. Today’s story, entitled Girl Meets Ground: The Hilarious Tale of Chipmunks, Gravity & Karma, focuses on my love of cycling, a run-in with a chipmunk, a brief lesson on gravity, and a plot twist. No chipmunks, bicycles, or girls were harmed in the making of this story. If you like to laugh hysterically at the misfortune of others, this one’s for you.
While riding my bike on a bike path, I decided to go a few miles with no hands. This is something I do regularly, and despite this story’s outcome, I can still confidently say that I’m quite good at it. I was maneuvering my bike in and out of the striped lines that divide the bike path when I saw a chipmunk out of the corner of my right eye. “If he runs across the bike path, there is absolutely no way I can stop in time” I thought to myself. What happened next occurred in a matter of seconds, but my thought-processes made it seem much longer. THUD. After realizing I had run over something, my thought process went a little something like this:
“Was that a pot hole or did the chipmunk just run under my tire? Better look back to see— What is that flying through the air?! What just hit my hand?! Holy #$&*, that was the chipmunk and now it’s running into the forest!”
There I was, riding my bike with no hands, with a chipmunk soaring through the air at eye-level just a few inches away from my face! On it’s descent, it made sure to bump my hand and then scurry off to safety. I immediately started laughing hysterically at the air-born creature. How had I not fallen? How did it manage to run away? I had always assumed that I would fall off my bike if a chipmunk ran out under me, and yet somehow I managed to continue riding with no hands with no problem.
I still cannot believe that that poor chipmunk got sucked under my tire and propelled through the air! I must’ve laughed for at least a few miles after that. However, the story doesn’t end here.
I proceeded to call my dad, a fellow hobby cyclist, to tell him about the hilarity of this event. I’m still riding, with no hands, as my dad and I laughed over the phone about how insane the chipmunk fiasco was. As I was riding, I realized that I should really shift gears since the path was ever-so-slightly going downhill. Instead of putting the phone in my left hand and shifting with my right, I foolishly thought “maybe I can just reach across with-” AHHHHHHH!
Silly Kristy, that’s not how physics work! My bike veered right, went off of the path, and into the foliage. My bike and I came crashing to a halt just in time for me to watch my cellphone propel into the forest before my face hit the soft, muddy earth. To my own surprise, I jumped up quick as a cat and organized my thoughts.
- Am I broken?All my parts seem to be intact. These scrapes are going to scar, and they’re going to make for an awesome conversation piece. Score.
- Is my bike broken?Seems functional. Still looks beautiful. Man, my bike is awesome.
- I HAVE GOT TO TELL MY DAD! THIS IS A RIOT!
- QUICK! Take a photo of this because it’s hilarious!
The photo above was taken within a minute or two of falling. I clearly look like champ. Over the phone, my dad told me that the chipmunk had it out for me. It is a bit ironic that I fell while bragging on the phone about how I didn’t fall. Yet somehow, I feel like that’s what makes the story so amusing.
I started to ride home, laughing and smiling the whole 10 miles. I noticed that my right arm and leg now sported small streams of blood which spread in strange patterns as they mixed with my sweat. The cut on my forehead was doing the same.
The faces I saw as I passed looked more mortified than concerned which seemed strange to me. “Why do people seem so horrified? I’m clearly okay and riding just fine”. That’s when I thought about what I must look like to them. I was covered in mud, gravel, and leaves. I had blood dripping down my face, and I was rapidly approaching them at 20 miles an hour while laughing manically. I’m fairly sure that’s how some horror movies start.
Though that chipmunk is probably paralyzed, my bike is in the shop, and my body is covered in battle wounds (which my dad said gives me “street cred"), I still can’t help but laugh at how this all panned out. Though I did fall while I was riding with no hands, I blame this on lack of common sense rather than lack of skill.
What I think I appreciated the most is that as soon as I entered my apartment complex, a young couple came out of the elevator and walked past. The girl excitedly tugged on her boyfriend’s arm “Look! Look! Did you see that girl’s tires? She has BLUE tires! I am so jealous!“ The fact that my beautiful new blue tires were what the girl noticed rather than my bleeding, muddy body definitely made me even happier about those tires (which I already very much in love with). Now THAT’S a good purchase.
To add to the story, I had also intended to post the first of a new series, Mixtapes, featuring a great tape inspired by long summer bike rides. That post has been postponed due to this post. Classic.
What’s your worst wipe out story?